Total, pure, colombian cut, grade A BLOG!

(Thank you, Jason, for that wonderful title to the first blog I have written in quite awhile.) At Ang's advice, I will not write about what a horrible blog-keeper I have been, as that may just encourage my bad blog-keeping behavior. So, let's get down to business. There is an incredible amount of stuff that I can write about today, so we'll see how far I get. First off, I'd like to point out a few things I have decided/realized:

• Men are assholes (yes, I know this one is obvious, and you have all heard me say it before, but for some reason I'm feeling particularly bitter today). Let me elaborate on this a bit, just to clear things up. And before you become disgruntled, YES, I know that the point of bullets is to accentuate several short, poignant points (hehe), but I'm going to elaborate anyway, because it's my blog, and I will do whatever I damn well please. I do not hate men. There are several men that I enjoy the company of, in fact (none at the moment that I would even consider dating, but that's another story). However, even these men that I like are assholes. For example: I enjoy the company of the guys I work with, Mike and Dustin. However, their true asshole shines through when they say things like, "That civil engineer chick sounded hot on the phone." To which the other replies, "Are you going to bring her in?" (The reason this chaps my ass is because we're supposed to bring anyone we can in, but they're always way more excited to bring in the chicks who sound hot on the phone). This is typical male-asshole behavior, but it's made worse by the fact that both of them have girlfriends. Pretty serious girlfriends. There's just nothing that can be done. Unfortunately, Western society has instilled the idea that men must be assholes into the brains of all men who grow up within said society. And therefore, men are essentially brainwashed into assholicness. We're all brainwashed though. Just think about how sad that is; everything around you is brainwashing you into fitting in perfectly with the status quo. And there isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do about it. If you're a student of Horkheimer and Adorno, you have already realized the hopelessness of attempting to be unique. It's just not possible. Okay, enough of this depressing bullet point. Let's move to the next.
• For some strange reason, "Footloose" is the only song that can keep me awake as I am driving to work in the morning. Of course, this silly little tune has to be combined with a large chai latte and blasted as I ride down the parkway with my windows and sunroof wide open (the temperature in the morning is still relatively cold...somewhere around 40 degrees). On the awesome CD of 80's music that Tara made for me (which, might I add, she fabricated for the soul purpose of keeping me awake as I drove to work in the morning so that I would stop texting her), "Footloose" is directly followed by "Jessie's Girl", which brings me to the next bullet.
• The most awesome line ever written in a song (in my own personal opinion, of course), is a line from "Jessie's Girl": "I feel so dirty when they start talking cute, I'd tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot." Fan-FUCKING-tastic! Especially considering that most of the people who listened to this song probably had NO clue what "moot" meant in the first place. Way to incorporate a vocabulary lesson into your song, Rick Springfield.

Okay, no more bullet points. The next subject I'd like to discuss needs to stand on its own. Every morning, when I wake up at the obnoxiously early hour of 6 AM, I look at my TV, and much to my horror, the stupidest thing I have ever seen in my life almost never fails to be there. It's a crazy little thing called Kidz Bop. I always sleep with Nick at Nite on (a strange habit, I know, but it dates back to my childhood, and it's comforting), but at around 5 or 5:30 AM, Nick at Nite changes back to Nickelodeon, and therefore again becomes a children's network. I'm not sure how many of you have ever seen this commercial (I'm almost certain this garbage is by the same people that make those ridiculous Now That's What I Call Music CDs), but recently Kidz Bop has issued its 9th volume. For those of you who are not familiar with the premise of the Kidz Bop series, let me give you a quick description from the official website: "Kidz Bop 9 features 18 more kid-friendly hits, sung by kids, for kids, like 'Don't Lie' and 'Beverly Hills'." By "kid-friendly," I'm assuming that they mean free of questionable language. But, chances are that these kids already know these songs, and so they're not going to be too excited about a whole bunch of grubby little kids singing songs that were originally sung by rock stars, because it's not going to sound the same. My main question here is this: Who the hell came up with this SHIT? And, more importantly, why the hell did they have to spell "kids" with a "z"? That promotes incorrect use of the letter "z" as well as misspelling of words. If I had children (that's a funny thought), I would never by this sort of product for them on the sole premise that it would bug the crap out of ME. To go back to the cultural criticism, Horkheimer and Adorno type of stuff, this product creates false need. The original versions are available for you, the parent, and you also feel the need to get the version sung by heinous little kids for your own heinous little kid. If you're really all Christian right-wing gung-ho censorship, go to Wal-Mart and by the version sung by the original artist with the swear words edited out (which is another product that sort of promotes false need, but I don't think it's quite as horrible as this Kidz Bop shit.) But wait....as if the songs covered by children aren't awful enough, there are also music videos of kids dressing up like pop-stars and singing the songs. My personal favorite is "Sk8ter Boi" (a title which also encourages the incorrect use of numbers and teaches kids the wrong way to spell things. Great job destroying the intelligence of English-speaking youth, Avril Lavigne, or however the hell you spell her name.) Here are some quotes listed on the website from "real" kids (or should it be kidZ) regarding the music videos: "I love to see the Kidz Bop songs come to life!" And my personal favorite: "I watch Kidz Bop videos all day when it's raining!" What an enormous load of bullshit! You've got to check out the website. You'll love it. http://www.kidzbop.com

So, it has just occurred to me that there are no pictures in this particular blog. What was I thinking? I've got to post a picture of the most exciting thing of all that has happened to me recently!!! I got a puppy!!!! She's a bogle (boxer/beagle mix) and her name is Daisy! We got her from a puppy rescue in Akron, OH. She and her brother were abandoned along the side of the road. They were only 7 weeks old. Daisy is almost 9 weeks old now. And here is the unveiling moment of her adorableness!

More pictures are definitely to come, however I will post them on my picture site. In case you don't have the address, it's http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/tigersrbad/my_photos They're not up yet, though, so give it a couple of days. Anyway, that's all I've got for right now. I will really make an effort to blog more often. I always think of things that I want to write, and then I just never get around to sitting down and doing it. Just keep harassing me, as many of you have been, and it will get done.