Ew.

So, I went to weather.com to see how much snow we were going to get today (it has been snowing every single day for the past week), and I came across this horrid little child. It isn't just jealousy that this kid is nearly naked on a nice beach of white sand, standing in front of a ridiculously blue ocean, while I am sitting in my cubicle hoping that every person I talk to today isn't an asshole (but it is partially that). My biggest issue with this picture is this child's ass cheeks. Just look at them, bulging out from beneath that skimpy little bathing suit. Granted, much more of my ass is hanging out of the skull and crossbones g-string I am wearing today, but I'm also not flaunting it all over the beach (or the office, for that matter). No, my ass remains safely covered by my jeans (we get casual Thursday this week since we have to dress up on Friday due to an office visit from one of our clients...just one more thing for me to be pissed off about). I have been anxiously awaiting my lunch hour so I could share this little tidbit with all of you (see what a good employee I am?).

On a much more fantastic note, I was reading about the development of male contraceptive pills, patches, and injections today as I munched on my PB&J. They aren't ready yet, but they're looking pretty damn awesome, and will be made to be completely reversable, unlike a vasectomy, and much like female contraceptive pills, patches, and injections. Just thought you ladies out there who are tired of remembering the pill might be interested, if you didn't already know.

I love fictional men.

As part of my unspoken New Year's resolution to involve myself exclusively with fictional men (which I supposed none of you could have known about, since I have discussed it with nobody but myself), I have added a new man to the list of men I might consider marrying.

Before I reveal the newest addition to the exclusive "Sven's Men" club (which is quite an honor, if I may say so myself), I'd like to list the benefits of only involving myself with fictional men:

• They are not real.


• The relationships are very impersonal, as I never get to speak with these fictional characters. Therefore there is MUCH less chance of me becoming attached. So, even when they date someone else, I don't get very upset.


• I can get pissed off at them for acting a certain way without ever having to fear messing things up between us, because....wait for it.....there ISN'T anything between us anyway!


• They can't get me pregnant.


• And, most importantly, THEY ARE NOT REAL, which takes care of just about any other benefit I can list.

So, that said, I will announce the newest fictional male with whom I have become obessessed. Drumroll, please!

Jim Halpert, the very cute, funny, and loveable sales employee from The Office (played by John Krasinski, but that makes no difference, because it is the fictional character I am in love with). Here is a picture for your viewing pleasure. And with that, I'm signing out.

I hate this bra.

Yes, this chick is mildly attractive, save for her outie belly-button. However, I hate this bra. I am wearing the exact same one (though probably in a smaller size, as I am not quite as voluptuous, and in the "nude" color, as opposed to white). This is the Angels Secret Embrace Demi Bra, and it is not nearly as comfortable as Victoria's Secret advertises it to be. I was a victim of false need yet again. I bought this bra awhile back, but I barely every wear it, because it gets all weird and rides up on me no matter how I adjust the straps, and the cups gap on one side or the other (which is precisely what this bra is not supposed to do). When I tried it on in the dressing room, I tricked myself into thinking it fit well. "The sign says it's the best bra in the world," I thought, "how could it not fit like a dream?" I don't even like the way it looks, with it's stupid scalloped edges. The advertisement boasts, "One day all bras will be made this way," but I sure as hell hope not, or I'm fucked. So, why the hell did I buy it? Because I'm a victim of our capitalist, consumer culture, that's why! And I will continue to be for as long as I live. Why, you ask, do I continue to do this, even though I am well-aware that it's all a bunch of bull-shit? Because I like to buy stuff! It's a vicious, vicious cycle! Regardless, I hate this bra, and I only wear it so that I don't feel like I wasted my money. Yet, I (not so) patiently anticipate the arrival of the semi-annual sale stuff I dropped more money that I don't have on the other day, because I love underwear. Sigh.